ISOURBLOG Personal Ideas : 16. Auditioned On The Stage : " Bringing Him Home " From Les Misérables

Image: Google

🌹 Maybe it happened 3~4 years ago. Time goes by too fast...how soon they fly....

One day, I discovered one of music contest/audition advertisement from internet sites. That time, I have wanted to have a stage experience again like my high school daysㅡ I played in some dramas several times on the stage.

I was very introverted in every aspect, so that wanted to get over the innate disposition through performing dramas on the stage...

In our society, people tend to honor an extroverted person/personalityㅡthey always look welcoming, pleasant, cheerful, charming, hilarious...something like that, as if a sunshine... Who dislikes them?
While, an introverted person looks like a dark shadow, even so, it's a wrong perspective.

Virtually, most stars/actor/actress/comedians are introverts. ㅡin fact, not only stars but also researchers/scholars, so to speak, the outstanding people. Although stars seemingly look as if an extroverted personality than the outstanding people or others, but yet their mental energies head "the inner world", not " the outside". If they are not introverted, then they cannot explode their passion from the inner world, that is, is their fountain to pump up the passion.

In a similar fashion, the outstanding people are the same as stars. If they are not introverted for something aim, then they cannot do their works.

Nevertheless, people are still liable to respect extroverts than introverts.... What I want to say is not because I'm the star nor am I the outstanding people, but because I simply inform it...

About that time, I was pretty absorbed in myself to play in a drama than to studying, in doing so, I projected something enthusiasm that was veiled behind myself into playing in dramas on the stage.

In spite of it, my inherited disposition was never changed through, anyway I liked to sing the unaccompanied song, for, as I said before, I was awkward/inexpert to beat time, while I was performing(singing)dramas on the stage, there were the part of the scenario that I had to sing, the song was kind of lament that had to express the very grief about losing my homeland...I sang it with my tear...with my whole heart...

Now that I think of it, I don't understand what the flaming zeal boldly drew me into playing(including singing)in dramas on the stage!

By the way, the music contest was extraordinaire to me, for all the judges for the audition will come from Europe, such as Russia, Poland, Estonia(which is located in near north Europe), yes they were all university/college music professors, it aroused me to have a curiosity about that, because I have never had such an extraordinaire audition in my lifetime... , that was the primary reason that I applied to have the audition!

After applying the audition, my convoluted/complicated thoughts were being started, in a sense, I was a little bit thrilled to have the audition before " them" who will come from Europe as expert musicians. In another sense, I was tremendously afflicted with a nervousness, a fear, an anxiety of how to successfully have the auditionㅡit was kind of "stage fright." Back then, fortunately, I was able to beat time to some degree, while I was reading an easy music sheet.

I had to choose a music sheet in order to perform in front of the judges. I chose the song, "Bringing Him Home" from Les Misérables (creator: Victor Hugo, 19C, France), which translates, The Miserable, but this was a big mistake. That being said, I liked this lyrics that's why, and I still like this lyrics so much...

"Bringing Him Home"

God on high

Hear my prayer

In my need

You have always been there

He is young

He's afraid

Let him rest

Heaven blessed

Bringing him home

He's like the son I might have known

If God had granted me a son

The summers die

One by one

How soon they fly

On and on

And I am old

And will be gone

Bringing him peace

Bringing him joy

He is young

He is only a boy

You can take

You can give

Let him be

Let him live

If I die, let me die

Let him live

Bringing him home

This lyrics was sung by Jean Valjean(other actors on the satage or in the movie) for the dying young man(Marius Pontmercy) who was Jean Valjean's son-in-law.

On the other hand, I wanted to sing the song " O Mio Babbino Caro"(by Puccini), which translates, "O My Dear Farther", but finally, I chose the song "Bringing Him Home" that might have been so difficult to sing to me. I realized it after finishing the audition.

Because, as far as I know, when singers sing this song Bringing Him Home, then they must make a long voice, in other words, singers need to carefully breathe in and out on their way, and have to appealingly sing at the same time, for this song is a pathetic, mournful and an emotional prayer/appeal towards dying... dying............

Furthermore, this song has a slow tempo and a high-pitched tone, thus, I deliberately downloaded this song's accompaniment from Youtube that was played by a cello and a piano along with, for I needed to record "the law cello sound itself " to avoid the high key.
But it was a bigger mistake to choose the song, for I had to make more longer voice like the touching cello's vibrato by which it led me to lengthen my breath more longer!

Image :Google

When I arrived at the audition hall, I submitted the recorded USB(kind of removable storage) to the staff of this audition. Because I couldn't go together with a piano accompanist in practice, I didn't want to spend a lot of money for that.

Plus, I didn't have much money to pay for that like musicians can do. Anyhow, its cost is expensive. What if I practice this song with a piano accompanist once, 1 hour, I have to pay about $100.

Image from : Pixabay

The very day of this audition, I failed to take a long, long voice in the finale(the last section : Bringing~~ him~~~home~~~~~~~~) that had to lengthen my breath up to the end. Namely, I couldn't make such a long voice to the end, but its voice was cut off on my way!
Even so, fortunately it was the last finale, but it might have been a highlight scene...

At the very moment, I mistook to control my breath, I couldn't fulfill the finale as long as the cello lengthened the last lingering sound, its aftertaste...What a long it was to me at the exact moment!

At the time, we, all applicants, had to learn by heart a music sheet, in addition, they didn't allow to use a microphone (any kind of equipment : e.g. : earphones, headphone...)

It was possible to apply for musical instruments sectionㅡespecially a piano, for some judges for this audition were also pianistsㅡI knew it through the music audition advert. The very day of this audition, there were 5~7 judges who was sitting down on chairs before the stage.

I couldn't apply for musical instruments section, I had no self-confidence to play my violin before "them", for first I cannot memorize a music sheetㅡ playing the violin is utterly different from singing, when I learn by heart a music sheetㅡ for instance, singing can be learned by heart a music sheet by hearing sound itself, but playing the violin needs to visually recall a whole music sheet, well, I cannot even explain this situation....
However, musicians can DO it , no matter what it is, unlike me that is why we people call them a musician...

Besides, what if I'm mistaken to wrongly shift fingers on the violin finger-board, period! For a violin itself is very exquisite/keen/picky to be in pitch/key.

Image from: Pixabay

I was trembling with fear behind the backstage, like when a rat met a cat in the dark, waiting for my turn and drinking water on and on, I heard that when we people are nervous, drinking water helps to reduce the tension with a deep breath. I was no longer the high school student who confidently and bravely performed dramas on the stage.

At last, it was my turn! I gave the recorded USB to the audition staff. After he set it into something music equipment in the booth, after a few minutes, the recorded accompaniment was fully echoed in the hall.

I intentionally took off my eyeglasses not to clearly see the judges, and I determined to close my eyes until its song was finished on the stage. After introducing myself to them in brief, finally I sang the song "Bringing Him Home."

I prepared the song in advance for approximately 2~4 weeksㅡ don't remember the exact build-up period.
I practiced the song in my house without any helper(an expert teacher for) whenever I have time...

First I had to memorize all that music sheet, its lyrics, beat, tune/key, the breathing mark that where I should breathe on the way, all of them.

When I sang the song, there were a coupleㅡ they seemed like just audience, not the applicants for this audition, who was sitting down on the audience seat, the couple was quietly listening my song far away...

When I finished the song to the end, thankfully one of the judges who was from Russia gave me the precious encouragement and advisement, saying, " You need to train to make a deep voice from your belly, not from your vocal cord, but your song was not bad as much as you think. And if you have trained how to sing from an expert, then it would have been better." The staff for this audition interpreted what she said. I thought that she would have already penetrated/seen through my depressing heart...

On the way home after finishing the tense/strained audition, I shed hot tears in car... I didn't know where it came from... Most likely, it might have been "self-pity " that I have never been trained a music lesson from expert vocalist of how to sing like other rich musicians do, the higher classes, who can go abroad to study.

Frankly, if anyone has no much money, then it's impossible to study music. Yes...occasionally it might be possible to be a musician without much money, regardless, it is assuredly rare case.... otherwise, they must be a musical prodigy/ genius, having said that, they also ought to train or develop their intrinsic talent through other sponsor like famous musicians, such as Mozart or Beethoven etc.

The Piano Lesson, Created 1889
Pierre-Auguste Renoir, France
Image:
Google-Pinterest-Isourblog|Essays

The former violin teacher in group class that I introduced once studied the violin in Germany that's why she taunted/despised me; I was not good at beating time... I still don't know why she uncommonly and intentionally disliked me than other learners who were all beginners...

The group lesson for a violin was opened only for citizens in my city, which was managed by a city hall/government, so that its tuition/cost was not much expensive to learn.

Reportedly, I heard that she went other county again to study the violin more perfectly...she looked like a rich princess who could be supported from her parents ...
And her nose seemed like the artificial silicone that she might have had plastic surgery, but looked like a little bit artificial, even so, naturally attractive, so its cost might be more expensive to have such a natural plastic surgery...

After this experience of the audition, I realized that I was not appropriate to be a musician, and I'm no longer envious of that musicians, whoever they are, due to the "stage fright" that might be a huge huddle to do, moreover my short talent for a music too, which might be the biggest stumbling block.

On the flip side, I was shamed of myself that I have dreamed to have such the audition for the rich...
that being said, lately I often listen to music they do...

Ducks can never become swans.
...Either ducks or swans must live just as it is, which means, they can never be changed the inborn, the preordained fate...

I was the dappled/spotted duck... and I'm still the duck, to such that duck, the best place might be just the small pond, but how thankful it is that the duck can swim and prey on small fishes in, not the wide sky the swans fly.

Such ducks can never fly, even though they have the same wings like swans have, but must be butchered and eaten someday... that is why everybody wants to fly the sky like swans, the "white" swans...like princes and princesses...

They don't even swim in the small pond, but swim in the picturesque lake...

My Home was neither the sky nor the lake...
I learned that I have to accept all its fate that I have to live as the dead duck ㅡsomething doomed to failure/die whatever I do... Nevertheless, its fate/God still spares my life...Why is that?... I don't even know what its fate wants from me...from "the DEAD DUCK", not from "the white swans"...

It might be the same principle that all humans must die in the end, dispite, God lets them live in this world... if so, why do people have to live again today?...
Well, ironically, after all everybody lives in order to " DIE ", not in order to " FLY ". In that respect, in fact, everybody is like the dead duck, though some still might regard themselves as the swans...

That is why Socrates( philosopher, a classical Greek) said, " Know yourself ! " , which says, I have to know myself that I am not the swans, I can never become... in some ways, I might be a lucky person who knows the impossibility...

After having this experience of the audition, I realized that where "My true Home" was, that is, I have to live as the predestined fate leads, as its fate drives, though it may be the lowly thatched cottage...
A fatalist doesn't rebel against its fate even if I die in there, like Jean Valjean sang :

God,
You can take

You can give
...If I die, let me die...

The Portrait Of Maria Munk / The Last...
Gustave Klimt 1912

Later, after happening this audition, I sang the song :

" Home, Sweet Home " (Henry Bishop, 1787~1856, UK) not as an expert singer, knowing where my true home was ...

"Home, sweet home"

Mid pleasures and palaces

though we may roam

Be it ever so humble,

there's no place like home....
...

An exile from home
splendor dazzles in vain
Oh give me my lowly
thatched cottage again
The birds singing gaily that
came at my call

And gave me the peace of
mind dearer than all

Home, home, sweet, sweet
home

There's no place like home
There's no place like home

This is my song that was recorded 2018 perhaps, recently I made this film/video, May, 2020 as below:

It sounds like the day of 1940's amid World War II. I thought that my song sounds like the song in those day...

For example, one of German women might have sung this song, longing for her "beloved" who might have been a solider under "Nazism"/ "fascism" amid World War II.

In fact, this song " Home, sweet home" has a similar background, but is not the love story... this song " Home, sweet home" had the background of the Civil War in the US, that time, lots of soldiers yearned for going back home with their homesickness...
Who would want to be stuck such as soldiers because of "the slavery", "the racism" ?...

No one likes the dappled/spotted, the black, the brown, the yellow.... But it may be unavoidable, that is a sin-stained human nature everybody has... and God also created them, as the outsiders....therein lies me as the dappled/spotted duck and as the dead duck...not the white swans....

And I also played the violin, not as an expert, "Bringing Him Home" with the piano accompaniment without judges, as you listen, it needs to make a long sound with vibrato(kind of vibration)ㅡbut I'm short to make its sound , keeping a slow tempo that is why singers are difficult to breathe in the midst of ...

Recorded 2018 perhaps, lately I made this film May, 2020. Back then, I might have put in a "mute" onto the bridge of my violin to water down/turn down the violin's volume, so that its sound doesn't sound clearly in my ears, whereas the piano volume sounds more loud...